Mark Zuckerberg: 33 year old Douche Bag

Mark Zuckerberg 33 year old Douche Bag


By Mark Allen

 


© Image Source


Mark Zuckerberg has been all over the technology news this past week. We got to see him as teenager squeal with glee that he had been accepted into Harvard. Cry while telling a story about a high school student afraid of being deported as he gave a speech to Harvard’s 2017 graduating class. Give advice to young people to create a collective sense of purpose and reminding them that “Finding your purpose isn’t enough”. How deep. How profound. How douche.

We got to see him visit his old dorm room at Harvard University’s Kirkland House where at 19 years old he built the website that became Facebook. So thrilling. We need to enshrine him in the Massachusetts state house and turn “Room H33” into a museum where millions of people can visit each year. Hey mom, can we go to Harvard today? I want to visit Room H33. 

Zucker douche didn’t build something so trivial as a computer programming language or cure a disease or something significant. No, he created Facebook. Sure other companies had similar social platforms but his genius was being able to take somebody else’s idea and make it better. Do not judge him! He is a genius! What he has to say is important! Did I mention that he invented Facebook?

His secret weapon was to target and stalk young people. Not unlike the strategy of the youthful dough boy Jarred of Subway fame, just without the pedophilia. Zuckerberg’s youth strategy succeeded and the news is, come a little closer, its a secret. He is about to stalk the youth again as Facebook partners with BuzzFeed, Vox Media and other news companies to focus on millennial TV and entertainment interests. 

His wisdom is divine. He tells millennials who wait with baited breath that “Success comes from the freedom to fail” and that billionaires like him should pay us to do exactly that. God, his wisdom is boundless. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of these things? God damn it I want to fail too!  Of course he doesn’t really mean it. It’s just something a deity like himself would say to the insignificant masses.

When Zuckerberg is not giving us advice or preaching about some socialist agenda he is often found picking legal fights with his neighbors or telling politicians that America’s economics and health care system is in need of a “modernized democracy”. He believes that Americans should be paid a universal basic income but wouldn’t volunteer any of his $62 billion dollars for that wonderful idea. It sounds good though. Zuckerberg is truly a douche bag.


Mark Allen

 


© Image Source


Mark Zuckerberg has been all over the technology news this past week. We got to see him as teenager squeal with glee that he had been accepted into Harvard. Cry while telling a story about a high school student afraid of being deported as he gave a speech to Harvard’s 2017 graduating class. Give advice to young people to create a collective sense of purpose and reminding them that “Finding your purpose isn’t enough”. How deep. How profound. How douche.

We got to see him visit his old dorm room at Harvard University’s Kirkland House where at 19 years old he built the website that became Facebook. So thrilling. We need to enshrine him in the Massachusetts state house and turn “Room H33” into a museum where millions of people can visit each year. Hey mom, can we go to Harvard today? I want to visit Room H33. 

 

Zucker douche didn’t build something so trivial as a computer programming language or cure a disease or something significant. No, he created Facebook. Sure other companies had similar social platforms but his genius was being able to take somebody else’s idea and make it better. Do not judge him! He is a genius! What he has to say is important! Did I mention that he invented Facebook?

 

His secret weapon was to target and stalk young people. Not unlike the strategy of the youthful dough boy Jarred of Subway fame, just without the pedophilia. Zuckerberg’s youth strategy succeeded and the news is, come a little closer, its a secret. He is about to stalk the youth again as Facebook partners with BuzzFeed, Vox Media and other news companies to focus on millennial TV and entertainment interests. 

 

His wisdom is divine. He tells millennials who wait with baited breath that “Success comes from the freedom to fail” and that billionaires like him should pay us to do exactly that. God, his wisdom is boundless. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of these things? God damn it I want to fail too!  Of course he doesn’t really mean it. It’s just something a deity like himself would say to the insignificant masses.

 

When Zuckerberg is not giving us advice or preaching about some socialist agenda he is often found picking legal fights with his neighbors or telling politicians that America’s economics and health care system is in need of a “modernized democracy”. He believes that Americans should be paid a universal basic income but wouldn’t volunteer any of his $62 billion dollars for that wonderful idea. It sounds good though. Zuckerberg is truly a douche bag.

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